expectations for perfect children???

 

Steve Lambert wrote an article about Christian parents raising their kids to be “perfect” Christians as trophies to their parenting skills and what some of the consequences of this methodology of parenting can bring about.  You can read the article here: http://www.fiarhq.com/forum/showthread.php?t=85509&page=2

This article was shared through an online home school support group for discussion.  This was my response:

 

This boys actions doesn't surprise me at all.  It is very unrealistic to demand and expect perfect Christian behavior from anybody (adults included).  God has given all of us freewill, and we need to extend that to others as well.  Like the author said, that doesn't mean we give them full decision making control in their lives because they are still children, who need to be trained and coached through life's ups and downs and decisions and allowed to make mistakes and bad decisions.  That is one thing I learned years ago from the Franklin the Turtle animated series years ago... his parents let him make mistakes to learn from.  They talked to him about his problems and made suggestions but in the end it was his decision.  Franklin learned some lessons that hard way for sure.   :o)
My own personal parenting goal has always been to coach them in their lives, have many discussions about consequences of possible decisions (good and bad consequences) and then let them choose.  I did this because I didn't want kids who would rebel against me (and my ways) but instead if they were making their educated (and discussed) choices, there was no place for rebellion.  They made the choice, they chose the consequence.  I want my kids to learn discernment for their own lives.
Another thing I am trying to remember in my parenting (as I have seen modeled in the Duggar Family on TLC), is do you have their heart?  Does God have their heart?  A person can obey and look perfect on the outside but on the inside is just waiting for the day to break out and be free from obeying.  My family (my mothers generation) were kids just like this... they lived very controlled and obedient lives as children and when they set out in their own lives... lots of heart break and bad choices that have affected their whole life. 
We want our kids to want to follow God, not demand that they do.  Their is no love in that... and God is love... (see 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 but replace the world LOVE with GOD... powerful lesson there). 
Pam