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Monday, December 31, 2012

Sunday, December 30, 2012

This topic has been on my heart and mind a lot lately…

A LETTER ON BEHALF OF CHILDREN FROM BROKEN FAMILIES

I come from a very broken family. And it has been in these adult years that I have come to fully realize how this has affected my life and how it does affect others as well. I am almost 40 years old and come from a long line of brokenness. My great grandparents were married their whole life and brought 4 children into the world. From those 4 children, only one of them had a solid marriage of one partner for their lifespan. The line I come from is particularly shattered and fragmented. My grandfather married my grandmother and they had 5 children together. Then they spilt. Next my grandfather brought another child into the world with a woman he was not married too. After that he married another woman and with her brought one more child into the world and they also adopted one. During this time my grandmother also brought two more children into the world (both have different fathers). She married again in my teen years but that marriage also ended in divorce. So I have 9 aunts and uncles and some of them are not even related to each other.

Now to move down the family tree, my mother had two children. My brother and I both have different fathers. And out of my aunts and uncles, none of them were successful in having a lasting marriage. And now to my generation of the family tree, some of us are doing our best to break this family “curse”. Myself, I have been married for 20 years (this coming July). My husband and I both come from broken families and early on in our relationship we declared that all of this chaos and brokenness stopped with us. I have a cousin who has also made this declaration in her own marriage. But our generation is all ready littered with chaos and brokenness as well.

So with that brief family history, I want to show how decisions we make as individuals have a ripple affect of people and relationships around us. Quite often when we do things and make choices we are only thinking about what is good for “me”. We don't take the time to consider how our so called personal decision might be affecting the people that we know and love. A husbands choice to pursue another woman is only thinking about how to alleviate the emptiness in his own life not about how this will affect the people around him.

Here are some of the situations that I have witnessed that now make difficult for those of us outside of the decisions that cause chaos and brokenness in relationships and family.

  • Holidays – how does the child or even the adult child ever have a peaceful and cohesive holiday ever again? They will never experience family togetherness for celebrations. “Do I invite mom or dad to this dinner? I guess I will have to do two birthday celebrations for my kid so that both mom and dad can be with them for their special day. How do I handle seating arrangements at the wedding reception, the toasts, and all the family moments that are suppose to be part of the special day?” And so on and so forth. Every family moment is effected by a person's choice to cause that brokenness.

  • Are you my mommy?” --I have seen a situation where a little girl that every time she came up to see her dad, he was living in a new place and with a new girl. She had so many “mommies” and “brothers/sisters” because of this happening.

  • I remember two little boys many years ago, and it broke my heart that they didn't have a “home”. It was always, I am going to ____________ (dad's house, mom's house, grandma's house). You never ever heard them say, “I am going home.”

  • Kids are under pressure to not step on mom or dad's toes all the time. What I mean by this, the child cannot share their life experiences in a free way in a broken family. When they have a great time with dad, they can't really tell mom because it makes her upset. They feel like they constantly have to pick sides or hide part of themselves to appease the parent they are currently spending time with. They don't want to hurt mom or dad's feelings.

  • The “revolving aunt/uncle/grandma/grandpa”. For example when grandkids go visit their grandma and they don't know if “Grandpa Joe” will be there this time or not or will it be a new grandpa figure that grandma has picked out.

  • Along with this idea above about the revolving mate, even for adults this can be hard. You start to wonder whether you should get close to this new person, open yourself up to them because they may or may not be part of future gatherings.

So that is a very small sampling of the effects of brokenness in family situations. We always think the decision we are making only affects us but in reality there is a large ripple affect on all the people around you to varying degrees.

Now as I was growing up, I did not know anything else. I loved my family and had strong family pride. All this fragmentation did not bother me because I did not know anything else. But now I am deeply saddened and troubled by the family situation I have inherited and it eats away at me with every family type situation that should bring happiness or comfort or joy or security. What I am left with is uncertainty, emptiness, chaos and a trail of relationship carcasses and haunting situations of people who were part of my life once upon a time but I am no longer able to be a part of.

And what completely crushes me is that we are living in a culture where all this brokenness is the norm. How do these children we are raising learn how to manage relationships in their lives when all they have been exposed to brokenness? I remember a few years ago my brother telling me that my marriage was only marriage that he knew of that was good and strong. That my husband and I were the only example of how a relationship should be like. Are there so few of us around anymore? It grieves me to think that.

So on behalf of all the children who have had to experience a broken family life, I ask you to always look beyond yourself when making your life choices. Each and every choice does have a ripple effect on those around you. No choice will ever affect just you. Choose what is good for the whole, not just you. We children pay for the choices our parents make. Please give us something good to pass on to future generations on behalf of you.

Thank you.

Friday, December 28, 2012

30 day minimizing and simplifying challenge

Your 30 Day Challenge Starts Now!

We have our 30 day minimizing and simplifying challenge for you to take on. Are you ready?

Our goal is not just to help you lose the clutter, but to mostly create lifestyle changes that will last. Consider this a 30 day transformation to get you ongoing results months and years down the road. Best of all…. it’s free!

http://minimalismissimple.com/30-day-challenge

must remember to go back and read this…

Does Scripture say Hell is Eternal Punishment?  -- http://jonjourney.blogspot.ca/2009/10/does-scripture-say-hell-is-eternal.html

All the talk about God's love and mercy and salvation is ruined when it's filtered through religion because it still leaves people to believe they have to earn it.

seen on Facebook:  http://www.facebook.com/TheFreeBelieversNetwork?ref=stream

The Free Believers Network

  • about an hour ago

    All the talk about God's love and mercy and salvation is ruined when it's filtered through religion because it still leaves people to believe they have to earn it. You could liken it to a man who is feeding the poor. He does so out of the kindness of his heart, but the rumor is spread among the recipients that if they are not grateful, exceedingly grateful... outlandishly grateful... if they don't devote their lives to thanking and praising this kind man that he will stop feeding them, and worse yet turn his kindness into hatred and do harm to the very ones he was feeding. This kind man has been accused of narcissism. Symptoms of a narcissistic personality disorder can include the following:
    1) Reacts to criticism with rage, shame or humiliation
    2) Takes advantage of people to achieve his or her own goals
    3) Requires constant attention and admiration
    4) Has obsessive self-interest
    5) Pursues mainly selfish goals
    These characteristics are often attributed to God. As if God is feeding the poor not for the sake of the poor, but for the sake of his own good reputation. As if God's only interest in being kind is so that he might be praised, not because he is just kind. This narcissistic God is perfected in the belief that anyone who neglects or refuses to offer him worship will suffer the consequences of his rage.
    It seems to me that when you devote your life to a religion in order to please and appease a God who has expectations of you that benefit him you have accepted the view that God is narcissistic. Perhaps religion itself is based in that view, that God is in it only for himself.

  • Gandhi

    "You may never know what results come from your action. But if you do nothing, there will be no result." - Gandhi

    Thursday, December 27, 2012

    If you could have one superpower, what would it be?

    In the January 2013 issue of O Magazine, the question was asked – “If you could have one superpower, what would it be?”

    I know little boys like to pretend play about superpowers and they always want the most powerful power so they can beat everyone else.  So this question was interesting in being asked to women.  What would their answers be?  I really loved Brandi-Ann Uyemura’s answer:

    “The gift of responding to any situation with complete compassion.  It’s human to respond to criticism by defending yourself.  But give the power to empathize with an insensitive driver, a disrespectful cashier, or a critical relative, and I’d instantly know what to say to de-escalate the situation and leave it with grace.”

    Isn’t that a great answer?  Smile

    to live in unity…

    Love this post! -- Replay: Jesus is the Reason… to live in unity -- http://www.alanknox.net/2012/12/replay-jesus-is-the-reason-to-live-in-unity/

    This paragraph especially:

    “Live today for the glory of God. Love him and love those around you. Serve the people that God brings across your path. Serve them before they can serve you. Accept those who are different. Be patient with those who are less mature. Follow those who are more mature. Walk in Spirit. When you come together with your brothers and sisters in Christ, seek to build them up, to stir up love and good works within them, and to mature them in Christ Jesus.”  ~Alan Knox

    Les Misérables

    Les Misérables: A Film That Reveals What True Faith Looks Like  --  http://johnharmstrong.com/?p=3710

    getting rid of your anger…

    This line from the blog post I read today really resonated with me…

    “I think getting rid of your anger comes when you forgive your offender and start to see them with compassionate eyes.”

    The whole post was a good read, go here to read it --- http://morelittlewilsons.com/archives/783037

    How grace and forgiveness affects us….

    “The same grace and forgiveness that invited Jean Valjean into the rich embrace of love and a transformed life drove Javert to self-destruction. Once grace puts you in its crosshairs you have some serious decisions to make.”  ~Wayne Jacobsen

    Untitled

    Wednesday, December 26, 2012

    the only way we can live…

    “The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself.”
    ― C. JoyBell C.

    Stuff I am reading today:

    1.   “Father, forgive me, for I have sinned. For the month of October I decided I was done. We took these boys in last February and their mom had until now to get on medication, to get her ducks in a row, and there are no ducks and I’m done with grace.  I’m done with it, because we had a deadline….” –>  http://www.prodigalmagazine.com/a-broken-hallelujah-post/

    2.  12 Simple Principles for a Happy Life On (or Off) the Road  - http://www.raisingmiro.com/2012/11/20/12-simple-principles-for-a-happy-life-on-the-road/

    3.  This Mom’s Top 20 List for Parenting, Unschooling, Life & Learning - http://www.raisingmiro.com/2012/09/14/this-parents-top-20-list-for-parenting-unschooling-life-learning/

    4.  And now I am off to read the rest of this book that Stephanie recommended to me -- http://www.samekindofdifferentasme.com/

    Friday, December 21, 2012

    Breath of Heaven (Mary’s Song)

     

    Songwriters: CHRIS EATON, AMY GRANT

    I have traveled many moonless nights,
    Cold and weary with a babe inside,
    And I wonder what I've done.
    Holy father you have come,
    And chosen me now to carry your son.

    I am waiting in a silent prayer.
    I am frightened by the load i bear.
    In a world as cold as stone,
    Must i walk this path alone?
    Be with me now.
    Be with me now.


    Breath of heaven,
    Hold me together,
    Be forever near me,
    Breath of heaven.
    Breath of heaven,
    Lighten my darkness,
    Pour over me your holiness,
    For you are holy.
    Breath of heaven.

    Do you wonder as you watch my face,
    If a wiser one should have had my place,
    But i offer all i am
    For the mercy of your plan.
    Help me be strong.
    Help me be.
    Help me.


    Breath of heaven,
    Hold me together,
    Be forever near me,
    Breath of heaven.
    Breath of heaven,
    Lighten my darkness,
    Pour over me your holiness,
    For you are holy.


    Breath of heaven,
    Hold me together,
    Be forever near me,
    Breath of heaven.
    Breath of heaven,
    Lighten my darkness,
    Pour over me your holiness,
    For you are holy.
    Breath of heaven.
    Breath of heaven.
    Breath of heaven.

    Love this… sooo true.

    When you start to really know someone, most of their physical characteristics vanish in your mind. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize their scent, and appreciate their wit. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with physical beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, or want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body for a little while, but not your heart in the long-term. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self, most physical imperfections become irrelevant. - via: http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/08/06/12-rules-for-being-a-human-being/

    Love

    “Do you know what hurts so very much? It's love. Love is the strongest force in the world, and when it is blocked that means pain. There are two things we can do when this happens. We can kill that love so that it stops hurting. But then of course part of us dies, too. Or we can ask God to open up another route for that love to travel.”
    Corrie ten Boom, The Hiding Place

    Monday, December 10, 2012

    Time to implement this in our home again…

    When Jordan was younger and being a brat I would have him do exercise as a consequence.  That could mean jumping jacks, push ups or laps around the house.  Now that I have an 8 year old in the house again, I think it will be time to use this method once more.  I was reminded about it via this blog post -- http://inspiredtoaction.com/2012/12/a-simple-and-effective-discipline-strategy-for-boys/

    Sunday, December 9, 2012

    An insightful quote by A.W. Tozer –

     “We are in an age of religious complexity. The simplicity which is in Christ is rarely found amoung us. In its stead are programs, methods, organizations, and a world of nervous activities which occupy time and attention but can never satisfy the longing of the heart.”

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

    The reason this journey seems so difficult is because it is far easier than we dare to believe!  http://lifestream.org/blog/2012/12/05/living-high-on-the-narrow-road/

    love

    .

    Saturday, December 8, 2012

    “…zero in on what interests your child and stay there as long as she is interested.” –Lori Pickert, Project-Based Homeschooling: Mentoring Self-Directed Learners

    seen on Facebook:

    “Project Based Homeschooling

    “If I, an adult, am free to focus on what interests me without external judgment — without anyone telling me, “No, that’s frivolous, that’s a waste of time, go do something I’ve decided is meaningful,” then it seems obvious that my child have the same opportunity to pursue an interest without judgment.””

    http://abh21.wordpress.com/2012/12/08/pbl-monster-project/

    Friday, December 7, 2012

    ABC’s of Me

    A} Age:  39

    B} Bed Size:  Queen

    C} Chore you dislike:  cleaning the bathroom

    D} Dogs:  We have 3 in the family but none are really mine.  We have the old girl – Jazmin (she is 14 years old), Deanna’s dog Licorice, and Jordan’s puppy Buddy.

    E} Essential start to your day:  Coffee, quiet, and the internet.  It is my needed routine.  No talking to me until I have had 2 cups of coffee. 

    F} Favorite Colors:  Purples

    G} Gold or Silver: Silver

    H} Height: Five eight!

    I} Instruments you play (past/present):  I tried the ukulele and the recorder as a kid (in school).  I also tried to learn the guitar on my own and for one summer did piano lessons but I have never taken to any instrument.  I used to sing not bad but after surgery on my thyroid my voice changed and it hasn't’ sounded the same since.

    J} Job Title:   Family Manager

    K} Kids:   I have had three.  I miscarried my first baby in 1992.  Then I had Jordan in 95 and Deanna in 97.  I always dreamt I would have 6 kids but after great pregnancies and scary after birth experiences, we decided we would just stick with the two healthy kids we had and keep me around to raise them. 

    L} Live:  In the rolling hills of rural Alberta. 

    M} Mom’s name:  Teri

    N} Nicknames:  Most of my nicknames come from my high school years --- Angel, Duckie, Sherlock… but the one that has stuck was given to me by my mom, she dubbed me Infojunkie because I love to look things up.  My favorite phrase is “google it”!

    O} Overnight hospital stays:   A few… after surgeries and after both my kids births.

    P} Pet Peeves:  People who are self-centered.  Kids who are picky eaters.  People who are forever late for things. 

    Q} Quote from a Movie:   “Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming.”  Dory

    R} Righty or Lefty: I am dominantly right handed.

    S} Siblings:  A brother who is 2 years younger than I.

    T} Time you wake up:  Usually around 8am.

    U} URL favorite these days:   I am addicted to Pinterest. 

    V} Vegetables you don’t like:  Canned veggies. 

    W} What makes you run late: I am never late, I am always early to appointments and events.

    X} X-Rays:   Feet, Teeth… I can’t think of any other ones.

    Y} Yesterday memory:   Deanna feeling so sad at the end of a movie.

    Z} Zoo Animal Favorite:  When I was younger I loved watching the polar bears at the Calgary Zoo.  Now that they are gone I enjoy watching the seals.

    Inspired by http://thedomesticrebel.com/2012/09/22/caramel-marshmallow-butterscotch-bars/

    Tuesday, December 4, 2012

    Deanna recommended…

    This documentary that she watched on Netflix last night…

    Born to Wild -- https://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Born_to_Be_Wild_IMAX/70167069?trkid=438403

    Filmed in IMAX 3D, this documentary captures the unique and intimate connections that developed between two scientists and two species -- orangutans and elephants -- as the men worked to save the orphaned beasts and return them to the wild.

    Review:  http://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/born_to_be_wild_2011/

    A great article about being torn about Christmas, this lady has been on quite a journey…

    TORN ABOUT CHRISTMAS -- http://heartofwisdom.com/blog/torn-over-christmas/

    I am also torn about Christmas and I struggle with it every time the season comes around again.  One of these times I may feel peace about it, I sure hope I do, I hate the angst and the feeling of being a fish of water every year. 

    I was recently told of an African tribe that does the most beautiful thing.

     
    When someone does something hurtful and wrong, they take the person to the center of town, and the entire tribe comes and surrounds him. For two days they’ll tell the man every good thing he has ever done.
    The tribe believes that every human being comes into the world as GOOD, each of us desiring safety, love, peace, happiness.

    But sometimes in the pursuit of those things people make mistakes. The community sees misdeeds as a cry for help.


    They band together for the sake of their fellow man to hold him up, to reconnect him with his true Nature, to remind him who he really is, until he fully remembers the truth from which he'd temporarily been disconnected: "I AM GOOD".

    Sunday, December 2, 2012

    a Sunday gathering of the saints…

    Our community gathered at our house today for fellowship.  A couple of people couldn’t make it because they weren’t feeling well.  I came up with an idea earlier in the week to help spark some conversations amongst the group.  I did a Google search for questions that have been asked about Christianity, God, Jesus. etc.  I wrote individual questions on pieces of paper and folded them up and placed them in a bowl.  Then when we were ready for some discussion time, one at a time a person would pull out a question and read it aloud to the group and then the conversation got started.  Some of the questions today included:

    • Are you afraid of God?  Or can you open up to him and trust him?
    • How does God reveal himself to people like us?
    • What are some misconceptions of Christians/Christianity?
    • Was Jesus a rebel?
    • Was Jesus perfect?
    • What does it mean to be a living sacrifice?
    • Why does God hate sin?
    • What is sin?
    • What does it mean that a Christian is a new creation? (2Corinthians 5:17)

    I found that this new idea seemed to serve its purpose.  We may do it again sometime.  We didn’t get through all the questions I collected and as I find interesting questions in my internet travels, I will add them to the pile.

    In the evening we went to our town’s community carol sing.  It is a gathering of all the churches in the town to celebrate the Christmas season together.  Wes and Deanna were scheduled to sing with the community choir.  In years past this event has hit a soft spot for me and I have had an emotional response to the message.  But this year that didn’t happen (I am a bit of a Christmas season scrooge, it is not my favorite time of year).  But there was a young man who did the Old Testament reading for the service that really struck me.  He seemed to me to be a new Christian.  In my words he was a shiny new Christian. :)  I felt compelled that I should go up to him after the service and greet and encourage him, welcome him to the family.  But I am people shy and an introvert, so going up to random new people is not my thing.  And sadly I did not meet up with him and I now find myself regretting that, like I missed out on an opportunity that maybe God was trying to orchestrate. 

    From Dave Black’s blog:

    Quote of the day (Ron Scates):

    Did you know that Christ hates religion? Religion is orthodoxy gone dry and stale. Religion is worship turned into entertainment. Religion is being busy but going through the motions. Religion is when you believe all the right stuff on the surface, but you’re really leading a double life. You’ve got your life at church and then you’ve got your other life over here. Religion is when the church turns from being a missionary society into the spiritual annex of the country club. Religion is when your zeal for making disciples devolves into making yourself comfortable. Jesus hates, despises, religion. When you and I lose our first love, that’s what we’re left with.

    Religion spells salvation D-O. Christianity spells salvation D-O-N-E.

    http://www.daveblackonline.com/blog.htm

    Saturday, December 1, 2012

    A funny Christopher said tonight…

    “When I am quiet for too long, I forget what my voice sounds like.” 

    No wonder he talks so much!!!  LOL